


(Give Me a Tall Ship and) a Billion Stars to Sail Her By

by Geritashipper123



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Fluff, Ghosts, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, Spock centric, Xenophobia, spock needs a hug, these ghosts just want to get home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8556121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geritashipper123/pseuds/Geritashipper123
Summary: Spock really doesn't understand why humans believed in an afterlife. It was illogical.thus is his opinion until undeniable proof appears to him.(Or, the one where Spock gets haunted by not one but three ghosts)





	

**Author's Note:**

> HI HI
> 
> So this is one of those ideas that just kinda... smacks you in the face. and i had to write it. I had to. 
> 
> This was a bundle of fun. By the way, there's some very light sexual content at the end, but it isnt anything graphic, just a discussion.
> 
> Dedicated to Majel as Christine Chapel. You dont get enough love you gorgeous woman.

 

The day he starts seeing them, Spock gets hit in the head by 18 doorframes, 3 rocks, 7 branches, and one phaser beam. The planet they beam down to has an average height of 5 feet- Spock at 6’5” towers over them by almost a foot and a half. Therefore, he hits his head on doorframes. The children find it amusing to throw rocks (they're a very violent society) and therefore he gets hit with rocks.

 

The dictator they had been sent to arrest shoots him in the head with a phaser set to stun, and in Jim’s illogical haste to get him back to safety, he hits his head on branches.

 

Spock, understandably, has a rather serious concussion and a killer headache to boot. So when he sees them, he thinks he’s imagining them.

 

There are 3 figures wandering around the _Enterprise_ , and no one else seems to notice them. When he tells the doctor, McCoy orders another headscan and says that Spock is staying overnight in sickbay.

 

Spock watches the three figures- their in uniforms, he realizes. For a moment, he thinks they might be new ensigns but the uniforms are almost wrong- that isn't the right shade of medical blue, and that communications officer’s dress has too low a neck.

 

The one in command gold has the braids on his wrist that indicate the rank of Captain. He opens his mouth to question who these crewmen who were out of uniform and committing perjury of rank (a court martial offense)

 

When he does, the faux captain locks eyes with him. Spock swears he does.

 

The doctor presses a hypo to his neck, and Spock spins off into blissful darkness.

 

* * *

 

The crewmembers are still there when he wakes up.

 

He studies them more in depth now that his head is clear- there are two men and a woman. The woman is African American, in communication red, with curly hair pinned on top of her head and green hoop earrings. The man in medical blue has brown hair and blue eyes similar to Jim’s. His sleeves are short and he has a tricorder on him. He kept glaring at the man in command gold.

 

The man in command gold is the shortest. He has blond hair, a tan, and green/gold/brown- hazel eyes.

 

Spock thinks idly that he looks like Captain Kirk.

 

McCoy comes, and he almost thinks the other man in medical blue has the same eyes as him. The doctor scans his head, asks how he feels ( _my condition is well enough_ he answers) and then asks if he’s seen anything out of the ordinary this morning.

 

Spock cannot quite name what drives him to say no instead of yes, but he does. McCoy gives him a hypo for the headache, tells him to come back if he has nose bleeds, bleeding from the ears, any more hallucinations, nausea, etc. he takes him off duty for the next two days and sends Spock back to his quarters.

 

As he walks back, he can hear voices talking.

 

“-dammit Jim we’re _dead_! This isn't supposed to happen anymore!”

 

“I know I know- it's not my fault! I don't even know where we are!”

 

“Ugh, you-”

 

“Captain can I ask why we’re following commander Spock? Clearly he isn't _our_ Spock, not the one who we’re waiting for anyway.”

 

“I know, believe me. But I swear, he saw me last night.”

 

“Geez, don't make the kid think he’s crazy!”

 

“Kid?”

 

“He's so young Uhura! Even you have to admit it!”

 

“I do agree doctor…”

 

Spock tries to ignore them as he returns to his cabin. He needs to meditate.

 

He goes in, ups the temperature, peels off his overshirt and sinks into the position. He closes his eyes, folds his hands, breathes…

 

Just as he’s approaching meditative state, a presence- multiple presences enter his room.

 

The voices are back.

 

“For fucks sake Jim leave the kid alone! He can't see us and he can't hear us, you're _imagining_ it! I know you miss Spock-”

 

“Bones _don't_ -”

 

And that was when Spock decided that either there was an intruder, or he was insane. He sincerely hoped it was the former. With a quiet sigh, he opened his eyes, reached over to the nightstand, and pulled out his personal phaser. He stood, turned, and aimed it right at the faux captain’s forehead.

 

“Jesus _Christ-!”_ He exclaims, eyes widening in shock. “Spock-”

 

“Who are you?” Spock says calmly “How do you know me, how did you get on this ship, how did you get in _my room,_ and why do I seem to be the only person he can hear you and see you?”

 

“... Okay, I'm sorry I accused you.” The medical officer says.

 

“Spock, _stand down_. Listen, my name is James Kirk-”

 

“Impossible.” Spock says with the same calm tone “Jim Kirk is currently on the bridge. And his eyes are blue. Also your uniforms are incorrect. Please cease attempting to pretend to be someone you’re not.”

 

“Their wrong because this apparently is not our universe.” Jim said “and I _am_ Jim Kirk. I swear. Also, that phaser won't do anything but set off alarms, we’re already dead.”

 

That _does_ make Spock lower his weapon, but only because this man is clearly insane. “That is impossible.” Spock said “you are implying that you are apparitions of the dead from another universe.”

 

“Just say _ghosts_ dammit.” The medical officer says “that's what we are.”

 

“Ghosts do not exist. Doctor…?”

 

“McCoy. You don't recognize my pretty face?”

 

“Another impossibility. I just saw Doctor McCoy. His hair is much shorter than yours.”

 

The doctor sighed. “Again, different universe. And I’m dead. Look, we don't know how we got here or why we’re here but you're the only one who’s heard us so far.”

 

“You're not insane.” The man who claimed to be James Kirk added “I promise. I just don't know how to prove it.”

 

Spock hesitated, staring at them. They did appear to be… translucent.

 

“If you claim to have no physical form.” He began slowly “does that mean common laws of physics do not apply?”

 

“We _did_ walk through a wall to get in here. Sorry about that.” Jim said.

 

“I can put my hand through a table.” Said the communications officer, doing just that. “And I’m fairly sure that if I think hard enough…” she closed her eyes in thought, and started to sink right through the floor.

 

Spock stared as she opened them and rose right back out again, blinking at Spock and then at her fellow ghosts.

 

“Captain we can phase right through the floor!”

 

“It appears we can Uhura.” James said, nodding.

 

“Uhura?” Spock asked slowly “Lieutenant Nyota Uhura?”

 

“At your service sir.” She said, nodding.

 

Spock looked over the three of them quietly.

 

“If you are who you say you are” Spock said “then what is the name and designation of the ship we are on?”

 

James grinned at him “not much of a test. She’s the _U.S.S Enterprise_ . NCC-1701. My silver lady.” He half cooed the last part “and you, my old friend, are her first officer and chief science officer. Your full name is S’chn T’gai Spock. Your parents names are S’chn T’gai Amanda Grayson _Adun_ S’chn T’gai Sarek. Amanda was a teacher, Sarek was an ambassador. You are the first human-Vulcan hybrid in existence, are engaged to a woman named T’pring…”

 

Spock was already taken aback, because not only did this man know his parents stories and the name of his dead betrothed, he pronounced his last name and the Vulcan word correctly. But it was the warm smile, the spark in his eyes, and what he said next that made Spock believe.

 

“You take your tea hot and enjoy Vulcan spiced tea. Your favorite comfort food is latkes because your mom made them for you, Christmas is, in your opinion, the least illogical holiday, and you had a pet _sehlat_ named I-Chaya. Your wickedly good at chess- TriD and classic- and respond to queen’s to queen's level three with king’s to queen’s level four.”

 

Spock blinked, then nodded once. “However.” He said “I believe there are some distinct differences between my universe and yours.”

 

* * *

 

Spock spends the next few hours telling them the story of his life so far- the tale of the destruction of Vulcan and the death of his mother,  of how he met James Kirk, of his relationship with Lieutenant Uhura, of Jim’s death at Khan’s hands, even of the great torment he had received as a child and how T’Pring- his only friend and solace- had broken his heart and ran off.

 

They ask interesting questions, and tell him a bit about their world. He learns of a few differences, and then McCoy and Uhura leave him.

 

James lingers.

 

“So.” He says “you and Uhura?”

 

“We ended our romantic relationship 3 months ago.” Spock says “She remains my closest friend.”

 

“Good.” Jim smiles “it seems like you need a friend.”

 

“Your counterpart is also my friend.” Spock said softly “he is quite dear to me.”

 

“Just a friend?” The captain asks, then looks like he regrets asking it “wait, sorry-”

 

“We are simply friends.” Spock interrupts. “Although…”

 

Jim stares at him “although?” He prompts.

 

Spock must flush, because James breaks out into a bright grin.

 

“I knew it.” He whispered “I knew it was a universal constant.”

 

Spock almost thinks he remembers that from somewhere.

 

* * *

 

Over the next several months, their presence on the ship becomes regular.

 

He often sees Doctor McCoy in the sickbay, shouting at anyone who was sick or injured about what they could have done to avoid said sickness or injury, and delighting in the fact that no one could hear him except Spock (when Spock ends up breaking his ankle and ends up in medbay he gets one of these rants too, but there's something… else, there when he does)

 

James Kirk follows him everywhere, talking sometimes and other times simply observing. There's this look in his eye that Spock cannot quite name. All three of these strange ghosts look at him with a sadness that he cannot place.

 

They refuse to tell him much other than that they are from another universe and are dead. They apparently have their own _Enterprise_ that they want to get back to

 

“I need to be there when someone beams aboard.” James says softly one night, his eyes swimming with pain that it hurts Spock to see.

 

He helps them as best he can, but he’s out of his element- he’s a _scientist._ The afterlife and the soul are not something he familiarizes himself with in his career. As a Vulcan, he believes in _katra_ , and therefore believes in souls more than others in his field.

 

Still, when Jim comes for their chess match 3 weeks after the ghosts show up and asks why one of the science officer's has made a report to Jim saying they are concerned about Spock because he’s researching souls and afterlives, Spock remembers to be cautious.

 

He can’t exactly tell anyone that he suddenly is seeing ghosts, he would easily be diagnosed as needing a psych evaluation and the case of his mental stability would go to a board who would likely remove him from his post.

 

He does _not_ want that.

 

And so, he starts working in secret, because he feels illogically compelled to ensure that these ghosts return home

 

(He thinks that perhaps he illogically has assumed there's another him somewhere, looking for his crewmates and captain and friends and maybe more from the way the ghost Jim looks at him.)

 

(And doesn't that just break his heart?)

 

He pushes Jim away, because the captain is too close. If his mental stability gets questioned, he does not want Jim to receive questioning as well- not when he’s been questioned so much and for so long, not when he's done so much to prove he didn't need to be questioned.

 

Not when Spock…

 

It did not matter.

 

* * *

 

They are no closer to answers almost 5 months later.

 

In fact they feel even farther from answers than ever. Spock has no leads on how they got here or how to send them back to their proper dimension.

 

He hates that he can't do more.

 

“It's not your fault.” James tells him as he sits, frustrated in his quarters. “You’re doing your best.”

 

“My “best” as you call it is clearly not enough captain.” Spock responds, typing away on his PADD.

 

“Look kid, you can do what you can do and that’s it.” McCoy says “would it be nice if there was _more_ you could do? Yeah. But there isn't.”

 

“I will not give up so easily.” Spock grumbles, and the captain’s sigh is almost fond.

 

“Kid, you really need to stop putting so much on yourself. You're gonna drive yourself gray- believe me, I know.” McCoy says.

 

“Illogical.” The word is clipped.

 

“You think I care what's logical? You’re overworked! You keep taking on too much you stubborn hobgoblin-”

 

“I believe I know my limits doctor. I am not a child-!”

 

And then, the door swished open, and Jim walked in.

 

Spock could only imagine with horror the picture he made to him, staring at air, growling quite loudly in a one sided conversation.

 

Jim’s mouth was open, as if he was going to say something. His eyes were bright blue and beautiful, like always. Spock turned just in time to see him close his mouth.

 

“Captain I-”

 

“I’ll just… go. Clearly you're busy with… something.” Jim turned to walk out, and when Spock saw the folded chess board he had behind his back, he winced grandly.

 

The door swished closed and Jim was gone before Spock could tell him how _god damn much_ he wanted to play chess (and do so much more) with him.

 

“... shit.” McCoy muttered “shit. Sorry kid.”

 

“He cares about you, you know.” Jim whispered “please believe me when I say he does. Stop messing with some ghosts and go after him.” He closed his eyes like he wasn't really talking to Spock “ _please_.”

 

Spock sighed and ignored him, locking his PADD and setting it on the table.

 

“I have to get into dress uniform, we’re welcoming the Vulcan ambassadors today.” Spock said. “My father may know something I do not.”

 

“Babel.” Jim suddenly muttered, eyes widening “wait kid-”

 

Spock disappeared into the bathroom before he could finish.

 

* * *

 

 

Spock sits with his father at the reception, and he overheard Jim worrying about him to the doctor earlier.

 

Just what he needs.

 

Now Jim sits next to him with doctor McCoy next to his father. He sees the ghosts in the corner, and Spock refuses to look at them, just as Jim refuses to look at him.

 

With a sigh, he eats his soup. One of his father’s aides sits down suddenly.

 

“I do not understand the replicators here.” He comments

 

“Do you wish for plomeek? It does not taste quite the same as real plomeek but it is passable.” Spock asks. The aide nods curtly, and Spock wordlessly goes and brings back a bowl. He sets it in front of him and sits back down.

 

The aide does not eat, staring at Spock.

 

“Is something wrong mr…” Jim starts from next to him.

 

“Staret sir.” Says the aide “my soup has been contaminated.”

 

Spock freezes, and the room falls near silent as other people over hear this.

 

“Are you accusing someone of poisoning you?” McCoy asks slowly.

 

“I will not eat food touched by a traitor.” Staret says, staring at Spock coldly. In the corner, he hears Kirk cursing.

 

“A traitor?” Jim echoes.

 

“He has betrayed his people.” Staret says, fist clenching in his lap.

 

“I did nothing wrong.” Spock responds.

 

“You are not worthy of life, much less the luxury you get on this ship.” Staret hisses. “You should be with your people, suffering and struggling as we do, working as we do, not sitting here, eating soup.”

 

“I am doing my _job_.” Spock presses “I am a starfleet officer.”

 

“You are a traitor!” Staret snaps, eyes flashing “you are nothing but a _failed science experiment_!”

 

“That is _enough_ -” Sarek attempts to interrupt, but Jim is already defending Spock.

 

“You’ll kindly shut your mouth now. Spock is my first officer and my CSO and one of the best goddamn officers in the fleet. Don't you dare sit there and insult him.” Jim hisses, and the ghosts whoop their agreement from somewhere in the room.

 

Staret picks up the soup, and throws it.

 

The hot soup burns his face, and the bowl shatters against his chest. Staret rises, and Spock’s hand instinctively goes for his phaser.

 

“That is _enough_.”

 

The voice is calm, and the room falls silent. The mutters from the other people in the mess even fall silent as ambassador Selek walks in.

 

Spock can suddenly understand why he’s received so much respect on the colony. He has an air about him that makes others stop and look at him and a voice that makes others trust and listen to him.

 

Spock wonders if he will become like that someday.

 

As he walks over with calm, measured steps, he realizes that even the ghosts have gone silent. He looks over and sees awestruck looks on their faces.

 

“That is quite enough Staret. Please return to your quarters. You will not be assisting us on this mission.”

 

The aide’s eyes widen “no wait-”

 

“Go. You are too young, and it was a mistake to bring you. You are clearly ruled by your emotions.”

 

“I am not-”

 

“You attacked a commander in starfleet on his own ship for no reason other than petty prejudice. Trust me when I say that the captain has more than enough reason to throw you in the brig. Either you can go to your room or I can let him.” Selek says.

 

Staret doesn't respond, the room is silent.

 

“Goddamn.” McCoy- the ghost- says.

 

“Spock.” The invisible captain whispers “We’ve found him.”

 

Spock sees selek’s eyes raise to look over his shoulder, and sees them widen almost imperceptibly.

 

Staret gets up and leaves, and Selek comes over as conversations start up again. “I apologize, Commander.” He says “I choose him to come on this mission.”

 

“It is of no consequence.” Spock replied as doctor McCoy- his doctor McCoy that the rest of the world could see- came over to scan him. “Well you don't have any shards of that bowl in you.” He said, shaking his head.

 

“Has something like that happened before?” Jim asked softly.

 

“My son, are you alright?” Sarek said quietly, and Spock nodded once.

 

“Spock.” The ghost captain whispered again, and Spock knew that he wasn’t talking to him.

 

“I am fine doctor.” Spock responded “I wish to return to my quarters now. I require meditation.”

 

Jim nodded, and Spock walked out.

 

He didn't notice the lingering look his captain gave him.

 

* * *

 

It takes 7 minutes for a beep to come on his door.

 

Spock sighs and slips out of his meditation position- the ghosts have been muttering to themselves for the full 7 minutes.

 

Spock has been kicking himself. Of course. The _ambassador_. He probably knew something. How could he have not thought of that?

 

“Come!” He called, and the door opened.

 

The ambassador walked in.

 

Spock rose to his feet, going over “Ambassador.” He greeted.

 

“I wish to formally apologize for my aide’s actions.” Selek said, pointedly not looking in the direction of the ghosts.

 

“Oh god Spock please say you can hear me.” Jim whispered “please. I've missed you so goddamn much sweetheart.”

 

He sees Selek wince, and sighs softly.

 

“Ambassador. I appreciate the sentiment, but I believe it would be beneficial to talk about the true reason you are here.”

 

Selek’s calm face fell away, and his eyes became sad and hopeful all at once.

 

“Spock?” Jim said again.

 

Selek turned, looking up at him “captain.” He said softly “it appears that we have indeed ended up on the _Enterprise_ again.” He said softly, standing straighter like he was still an officer. “There is logic in the universe after all.”

 

Jim stared, then let out a happy little cry as he started to laugh.

 

“Oh my _god_ I've missed you so much.” He said, smiling brightly.

 

Selek’s eyes gleamed with unshed tears “and I you, my love. It has been… a long time, since I last saw you.”

 

“I know.” Kirk muttered regretfully. “Sorry. I didn't intend to leave you so soon.”

 

“You saved the ship.” Selek said, a brow arching “you are James Kirk and that is what you do. I could not expect anything less.” The statement made Kirk beam, coming closer to Selek and reaching out a hand only to have it go through his cheek instead of caressing it. The beaming smile turned sad “I didn't even think you were here I didn’t… it didn't even click that we were in the universe you threw yourself into.”

 

“Yeah.” McCoy said “by the way, I need to have _words_ with you about flying yourself _into a goddamn exploding sun_.” He half snarled.

 

Selek’s eyes turned to the doctor, remaining soft as ever “Leonard. I have missed you as well.”

 

“Oh no. don't you get all sentimental on me Spock!” McCoy said, but there was a light in his eyes that Spock saw, and it indicated joy.

 

“Mr. Spock.” Uhura said, smiling warmly at him as he tilted his head to her “Miss Uhura.”

 

“We’ve missed you.” Jim said “we’ve been waiting a long _long_ time for you. Well, until 5 months ago. Then we somehow ended up here.”

 

Selek’s mouth sets in a thin line “5 months.” He repeats, and Spock feels a stab of guilt.

 

“I apologize.” He said “the logical thing to do would have been to message you.”

 

Selek turned to look back at him “for five months you have kept them secret?”

 

Spock nodded “I am the only one who appears to hear or see them.”

 

“I thank you.” Selek said, and that isn’t what Spock was expecting. “For protecting and attempting to help those who I consider my family.” He explains.

 

Spock’s mouth tightens as he nods. Never mind that he hadn't actually done anything.

 

“He’s guilt tripping himself.” Kirk accused “he doesn't think he did anything.”

 

“James.” Selek said, raising a brow.

 

“What? I've seen _you_ do it enough times. I know that expression. He’s thinking thoughts I wouldn't approve of and doesn't have a captain to make him feel better.”

 

Spock flushed green, and McCoy snorted.

 

“ _T’hy’la.”_ Selek chastised, and Kirk’s eyes twinkled happily. Spock’s eyes must have widened comically, because McCoy laughed long and hard now.

 

“Bones stop laughing.” Kirk chastised.

 

“Doctor McCoy please-”

 

And then, the door opened.

 

In walked the younger doctor McCoy and Jim. McCoy had hypos, and Jim looked weary.

 

“Hey Spock.” Jim said softly. “Ambassador. Spock we, ah, wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

Spock stiffened a little, nodding once. “I am well captain.”

 

“Well that’s good.” McCoy said, as if he were talking to a child. “So hey, remember how a few months ago you hit your head really hard?”

 

Spock swallowed almost imperceptibly, nodding once.

 

“You said you saw some strange stuff. You haven’t seen anything since right?”

 

Spock doesn't respond right away, squirming a little under his friends stares. Jim looks sad and fearful and pitiful and McCoy lets out a breath through his nose when Spock doesn't immediately deny it. “Okay Spock.” McCoy says “lets just sit down and talk-”

 

“Doctor I am not insane.” Spock says, finding his voice again. “I am… fine-”

 

“You never say fine.” Jim says in a tiny voice “it has too many definitions.”

 

Spock swallowed again.

 

“Okay Spock.” McCoy said “what have you been seeing?”

 

“I… have not been-”

 

“Vulcans don't lie, Spock.” Jim shifted “and your really bad at it. So don't lie. Please.”

 

_Incorrect, I lied every time I said I felt friendship for you. I feel so much more. I'm so sorry Jim-_

 

“Very well Captain.” Spock said after a moment.

 

“Kid-” Kirk said piping up and breaking the ghosts silence “hey, you don't have to-”

 

“Captain, as you are aware, my crew is long dead.” Selek's said suddenly, interrupting his t’hy’la “and yet-”

 

“I have been seeing apparitions of his version of you, doctor McCoy, and Lieutenant Uhura- from his universe.” Spock said.

 

Silence.

 

“He is telling the truth captain.” Selek said softly “they are right here”

 

Jim bit his lip, eyes conflicted. Clearly, wanting to believe his friends was fighting with his logic. And Spock had never once discouraged logic but…

 

“Jim.” He said softly “I understand that this is hard to believe-”

 

“Bones is it even possible?” Jim said, and Spock’s heart clenched because usually _he_ was the one Jim asked for clarification. He owned him some apologies, it was clear.

 

“... I can't take Selek’s word for it.” Bones said in a rush.

 

And, suddenly, the ghosts broke their silence.

 

“What do you mean you can't take his word for it?!” Uhura snapped “he doesn't lie!”

 

“This ancient ass hobgoblin is sadly one of the most bloody truthful people I have ever met! Don't you pass him off you god damn brat!” The doctor hissed “come on you're _supposed_ to be me and we’re _supposed to be smart!_ He's a good Vulcan dammit!”

 

“That's my bondmate you're talking about.” Kirk half snarled, voice filled with a malice Spock had never heard from either version of his captain (except, he realized, earlier that day when Jim had defended him from Staret) “you’d better fucking _watch it_.”

 

Spock knew his face when he was fighting a smile, and Selek's was exactly the same. “Doctor. I am Vulcan. As you pointed out, I do not lie.”

 

“I'm not saying your lying.” McCoy said tightly “I'm saying that if I have to give Spock a mental evaluation on the grounds of hallucinations I cannot use you as testimony.”

 

Kirk snarled again, and Selek shot him a look. “What?!” The invisible captain said “He's calling you insane!”

 

“Doctor.” Spock said “may I ask why my counterpart would not be a worthy testimonial?”

 

“ _Because_ .” He ground out in response “as much as I trust the old man He lost his universe, his planet, has several broken bonds including apparently a broken mating bond, _and_ a history of Bendii syndrome in his family. Two of the earliest symptoms of that illness are loss of emotional control and hallucinations- particularly lifelike ones of people the victim is or was close to.” He explained. His eyes grew sad, almost pitiful “I wish I could use him. But legally I cannot without a thorough mental evaluation and even then due to the unique circumstances of him _being_ you, I'm not sure it would hold up in a competency hearing.”

 

Sleek was silent, lips tight. He nodded once “he is correct of course.”

 

Spock nodded “I thank you anyway, ambassador.”

 

Jim’s eyes were sad, pained even. He opened his mouth to speak- and then the door buzzed.

 

Spock blinked slightly, unsure of who to expect (wouldn't it be perfect for his father to come into this clusterfuck?) “come!” He called.

 

The door opened, Staret aimed a phaser at Spock’s head-

 

And everything happened in slow motion.

 

Jim moved to shove him as the muscular flex went up Staret’s finger.

 

McCoy jumped to the side as the trigger depressed-

 

Selek stepped between Jim Kirk and the phaser shot as it fired.

 

* * *

 

There was no time.

 

The shot hit selek square in the abdomen, and he collapsed instantly. Blood started flowing out of him.

 

Spock ran at top speed at Staret. The young Vulcan raised his phaser again, but at the end of the day Spock was a starfleet officer, and had been an award-winning _shus mhana_ fighter as a child- he beat Staret physically. He forces the phaser up so it hit the roof, slammed his elbow into his ribs (one of them shattered and for an illogical moment Spock though _good_ because he put his captain in danger and shot selek- he deserved it) and curled his hand around the muscle on Staret’s shoulder. A quick press to the nerve there and down he went.

 

The room was silent for a split second- and then the noises began.

 

The red alert had gone off when the phaser had fired, but now Doctor McCoy was calling for a medical emergency into his comm. Jim was crouched next to Selek, hand wrapped around his old friend’s.

 

And, the ghost of Jim Kirk was frozen.

 

“No.” he whispered, voice rising above all the others in Spock’s keen ear, “no no _no no nonono-_ ”

 

The invisible James T. Kirk sunk to his knees on Selek’s other side, opposite his counterpart. “No no- no baby no- I-”

 

“James.” Sleek whispered, voice weak. “Do not cry. I shall see you again soon.”

 

The realization hit Jim that it wasn't _him_ Selek was talking to, and Spock saw him choke on a sob. “Selek- _Spock_ \- wait just- just hold on-”

 

“Jim.” Sleek turned his head “Jim. Do not grieve. It is my time.”

 

“But we need you-”

 

“You have another me. One who longs to be needed by you.” Selek said. (If this were another occasion, Spock would feel a spike of irritation at Selek revealing him- after the emotional exhaustion of the day he simply acknowledged it as true.)

 

“But-”

 

“My friends are here.” Selek said “I wish to depart now.”

 

Kirk let out a sob. “Oh honey.” He whispered “this doesn't get easier.”

 

Spock closed his eyes, and did not open them until the security team and the medical team arrived.

 

By the time they did the light had faded from Selek’s eyes, and his grip on Jim’s hand had gone slack. Doctor McCoy had closed his eyes.

 

And there were two Jim Kirks weeping.

 

* * *

 

Three days later, and nothing had gotten better.

 

The ambassadors had been delivered to Babel- Selek’s body among them.

 

Doctor McCoy had mentioned that Spock was still scheduled for a psych eval- “but not right now.” He had said “I won't do that to you.”

 

Jim was a mess, that much was true.

 

Spock was managing.

 

He had always known Selek would die- he was close to 160, he would have died of old age, even if he had sat on New Vulcan idly and taken care of himself- which he was well within his rights to do, in a short amount of time. But Selek hadn't sat on his _pla’kruslar-_ he never did. He got up, he did things, rebuilt a Vulcan that was not his home and helped a crew that was not his. He put himself in danger and put others before him and didn't eat or rest properly.

 

Selek was right, it was his time.

 

But there was still one more problem. Three actually. Three ghosts who crept around the ship silently now.

 

“We need to get out of here.” James Kirk had whispered that night, as he and Spock watched the cleaning crew attempt to clean the green blood staining Spock’s floor. “I need to get back up there. He's there now. I hope.”

 

Spock hadn't had a response.

 

Now as he sat on the bridge as they left orbit of Babel, the ghost of James Kirk was sitting by the captain’s chair, at Jim's feet.

 

_Jim_. Oh Jim. Spock hadn't talked to him since Selek had died. What was he to say? He had likely ruined their friendship (and any chance for more) by pushing him away, and now he had let Selek get killed.

 

Staret had been coming for him. It was _his_ fault.

 

“Kid.” Said a soft voice. Spock didn't look over at the invisible McCoy, but he sighed. “Your guilt tripping yourself. Take a breath, you're shaking.”

 

Spock shook his head almost unnoticeably. He was _fine_. He had to be.

 

It was quiet for another few minutes, until his sensor beeped.

 

“Ion storm ahead captain.” Spock said, turning. “Not dangerous. We may feel some turbulence and have some power surges.”

 

“How long would it take to go around it?” Jim asked.

 

“It would add 2.43 days onto our trip to Havana XI captain.” Spock responded, reveling in the normality of this conversation.

 

“Stay on course Mr. Sulu.” Jim ordered, and the helmsman nodded.

 

Just as Spock said, the ship started shaking within five minutes. Doctor McCoy came to the bridge, talking quietly with Jim about something Spock was attempting to not listen to. Still, he picked up that the conversation was about him.

 

The ship jerked again, and the invisible doctor started cursing.

 

“Dammit Jim _an ION STORM?!_ We’re _dead_ we aren't supposed to have to deal with this anymore!”

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Spock saw Kirk rise slowly and go over to where the doctor was in front of the view screen. “Bones.” He said slowly “believe me. If I knew how to get us back to our ship, we would be there already. We would have been there three days ago.”

 

“I know that!” thw ghost of McCoy snapped “but how did we even get here in the first place?!”

 

“I don't know! You know I don't know!”

 

“You _should_! You're the captain, right?!”

 

The ship jerked again, as Kirk shook his head “I'm hardly a good captain without him by my side.”

 

The doctor’s face softened just as the lights went out only to come back on a second later. “Dammit look I-”

 

“Who the hell are you?!” Interrupted a new voice. Spock turned to see Jim on his feet, blue eyes wide and phaser aimed “and _how the hell did you get on my bridge?!”_

 

Spock’s eyes widened. He looked at Jim, then the rest of the bridge. Everyone was staring. Finally, he looked back at the captain and the doctor who were by the view screen. They were staring right back.

 

“... holy shit.” McCoy said.

 

“I won't ask again!” Jim snapped.

 

With a light sigh, Spock rose and went over to the captain. “Sir?” He said, voice calm. “That will not do anything.”

 

Jim’s eyes swerved to him. “What are you so calm about?”

 

“You know that wild story he told you three days ago?” the older doctor said, voice half a snarl “He ain’t insane brat.”

 

“Doctor McCoy, please do not call my captain a brat. While he is younger than your captain was when he gained his captaincy, he is not a brat. That word implies a temper and malicious intent and foul language and a tendency for “temper tantrums” as humans call them. While he is prone to emotional outbursts, Jim is hardly a temperamental child.” Spock said calmly, missing the way Jim’s eyes softened at his defense.

 

“I'm trying to save your job you ungrateful-”

 

“Bones.” Kirk cautioned.

 

“ _Bones?!”_ McCoy- the younger one that was visible the whole time- said, sounding shocked.

 

“Bones.” Grimaced the elder McCoy. “He's the same in every universe brat. Also, I can call my younger self a brat Spock, because he is.”

 

“Hardly.” Spock said.

 

“Wait wait wait-” Jim said, speaking up “those are the supposed hallucinations? We’re all seeing them?”

 

“We aren’t hallucinations kid.” Kirk said “we’re apparently ghosts.”

 

“Bullshit!” Jim said “While I admit you look just like the people from the mind dump with old Spock you _can't_ be them! This isn't even your universe!”

 

“Yeah, that's _our_ problem.” The doctor grumbled “we wanna get back but we can't and your science officer has been trying to help us for five goddamn months.”

 

“That's why he pushed you away.” Kirk said, looking at Jim “so you wouldn't get in trouble if he did-”

 

“ _Captain_ .” Spock ground out “please focus on the bigger issue and _not_ my personal life. Now that the rest of the crew can apparently see you- likely due to the ion storm, perhaps we can solve your dilemma.”

 

“Always so to the point.” Kirk sighed “You're correct as always Mr. Spock.”

 

“Wait a goddamn minute.” Jim said “let me get this straight- you three have been using my science officer for your own purposes for _5 months_?” He sounded… angered. And Kirk held up his hands “we didn't do anything bad to him. He helped us willingly.”

 

“He speaks true captain.” Spock said. Jim and his McCoy both turned to each other, than to him.

 

“I hereby declare you not insane and fit for duty.” McCoy- Leonard? the one who had been Spock's doctor since the mission began- muttered dryly. “You can forget the psych eval.”

 

“Thank you doctor.” Spock said calmly, but the _relief_ he felt suddenly was almost numbing.

 

The ghostly McCoy snickered “he's so damn happy right now. Hey kid! Little Jim! Say he's still your friend and you’ll make his whole week.”

 

Spock’s head, which he had bowed in acknowledgement of the doctor, snapped up. His cheeks flushed green, he could feel it, and he turned a steely glare on the ghost. “ _Doctor_ -”

 

“Bones.” Kirk chastised “that isn't our Spock. Let him alone.”

 

“Hey, I'm trying to spare this crew the pain of watching those two pine for one another the way you and Spock did. The sexual tension was pai-”

 

Kirk slapped a hand over his friends mouth, and Spock felt himself go green up to his ears. He made a point of not looking at Jim as he stepped over towards the science station again “please _cease_ meddling in my personal affairs.” He managed cooly, mentally reciting digits of pi in an attempt to keep from showing his embarrassment (he was on the 2,067th digit in under a minute. A new record).

 

And, suddenly, the ghost of Lieutenant Uhura popped right up through the floor. (She had taken to phasing through the floors quite well. Spock believed she was enjoying the ability, just a little.) “captain.” She said “our communicators are working again sir!”

 

“They are?” The captain said. She held out two communicators to the captain and the doctor, and then flipped open hers. A voice came through.

 

“ _-terprise to Away Team. Come on away team!”_

 

The voice held a Scottish accent, and Uhura’s face brightened “ _Enterprise_ this is Uhura- Monty?!”

 

_“Nyota! Where ‘ave you been love?!”_

 

“You know that other universe the commander threw himself into?”

 

_“Yer there?! Tell me you high fived that wee lad that’s my counterpart. Please. I wish I could say I figured out those equations when I was his age!”_

 

“I would’ve sugar, but until today no one could see and hear us except this universe’s Spock!”

 

_“Ah. I see! Well, we have a lock on your signals if yer ready!”_

 

The captain quickly flipped open his communicator “Scotty this is the captain-”

 

_“Capt’n! The ship is still fine without ya sir, but nowhere near as efficient!”_

 

“Thanks Scotty- look, did we get any new arrivals?”

 

_“Ah- no sir. He’s not here yet since I know who yer askin’ about.”_

 

Kirk's eyes darkened, and Uhura gasped silently. The doctor cringed “aw Jim-”

 

“Scotty, we watched him pass. We were _there_. What do you mean he isn't there?”

 

_“I… ‘m sorry cap’n. He just… ain’t here. I guess Vulcans… I guess it's different for them.”_

 

“But we-”

 

_“I really can't tell ya anyt’ing cap’n.”_

 

Kirk was silent for a minute “of… of course. Your right.”

 

_“Cap’n-”_

 

“Beam up the doctor and Uhura. I’ll… be right up.”

 

_“I-”_

 

“Scotty.”

 

_“... yessir. Doctor, Nyota, prepare for beaming. Scott out.”_

 

“Jim.” McCoy said softly “I'm sor-”

 

“Don't.” Kirk said “just… don't. It's fine. We’ll… we’ll find him. Wherever he is.”

 

McCoy hesitated, then nodded. He went to stand next to Uhura. “Oh yeah brat-” he glanced at the younger him “good luck, you’ll need it. And Spock…”

 

“I believe telling you to live long and prosper is incorrect in this case.” Spock said, looking at the two of them.

 

Uhura smiled “your right. But we can say it to you. Live long and prosper, commander.”

 

She held up a ta’al, and Spock returned it. McCoy flicked open his communicator, humming a little “energize.”

 

A flash of light, and there were two less ghosts on the _Enterprise_.

 

Kirk let out a little sigh, looking… dejected. And sad.

 

“Selek’s soul didn't go to… wherever the rest of you are?” Jim asked, eyes fearful.

 

“Apparently not.” Kirk muttered. He glanced over at his counterpart “hey, you have a good crew. And a great ship. And a spectacular first officer. Don't waste them, okay?”

 

Jim nodded, swallowing once.

 

Spock was silent, unsure of what to say at this juncture.

 

The ship jerked again, violently, and there was another power surge.

 

“Great- I’d better get off this ship before I lose contact with mine.” Kirk muttered.

 

“... I would hope you wouldn't go without me Jim.” Said a new voice, and Spock felt his eyes widen, as he turned

 

Sitting next to his science station, blinking as if he had just appeared there, was… himself. Slightly older, a slightly different uniform. The figure shakily rose to his feet, brushing off his uniform trousers even though there was no dirt on them.

 

Kirk stared, then charged at him with a cry. He tacked the Vulcan in a hug, which the other Spock returned. “ _T’hy’la_ ” he muttered “Jim-”

 

“Shit you _terrified me_!” Kirk pulled back from the hug just in time to smack Spock on the arm. “I thought you were gone I thought-” He cut himself off, tears over spilling. He was blinking rapidly. The other Spock cupped his face in both hands, thumbing away the tears. “Jim…” He muttered, kissing the captain’s hairline. “I am right here. Forever if you’ll have me.”

 

“If I’ll have you.” Kirk echoed, scoffing “You should know perfectly well if I’ll have you or not after all of it.”

 

“Indeed.” Spock said softly, eyes crinkling in an almost smile, which just made Kirk grin. “You're gorgeous you know.”

 

The elder hummed softly in acknowledgement.

 

“... Selek?” Jim’s voice was impossibly small, and the older spock tore his gaze away from his T’hy’la (and wasn’t that just reeling? A _t’hy’la_ bond. god.) to look at him “Jim.” He said softly “I did attempt to tell you my captain was here to bring me home.” “Damn right I am.” Kirk muttered, wrapping an arm around Spock’s waist.

 

“I.. I’m sor-”

 

“Do not be.” Elder Spock said “It was my time. And youngling-” He turned his gaze on spock “You must not blame yourself for another's actions, or be afraid of feeling. That was a lesson I hoped to have taught you before I passed.”

 

Spock swallowed, then nodded. “I… thank thee. Selek.”

 

Elder Spock actually smiled a little, nodding.

 

“Well then,” Kirk said giving his bondmate a squeeze “Shall we? We have a tall ship and infinite stars to sail her by. We’ve just been waiting for our first officer.”

 

“Indeed captain.” said the elder, stepping out of the embrace just for Kirk to take his hand and kiss the back of it reverently. Then, the captain flicked open his communicator again.

 

“Kirk to _Enterprise_ … two to beam up scotty.”

 

_“... Two sir?”_

 

“Yes scotty, two.” The joy was visible in Kirk’s voice.

 

_“... heh! Aye sir, two to beam. On yer word.”_

 

“Live long and prosper.” Elder spock said, looking over all of them “All of you.”

 

He held up the ta’al, and Kirk grinned and waved

 

“Energize Scotty!”

 

A flash, and they were gone.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, and Spock found himself crouched on his meditation mat once more.

 

The knowledge that he didn’t have ghosts to follow him anymore was strange, but he was relieved that everything had worked out.

 

Well, almost everything. Jim was no fool- the doctor’s teasing statements earlier had likely led him to make several intuitive leaps that had likely led Jim to…

 

Spock sighed, coming out of his meditation. He hoped beyond hope Jim would at least remain his friend, and if not that allow him to remain on board.

 

The _Enterprise_ was his home now. He did not wish to be removed from it.

 

There was a beep at the door, and Spock rose to put away his incense as he called for them to come in. It was probably Nyota.

 

The door opened, Jim stood there.

 

Ah, so they would have this conversation now.

 

Spock swallowed and turned “Captain-”

 

“Spock.” Jim breathed “I’m here to repair our friendship because you pushed me away to protect me. Call me Jim, please.”

 

Spock’s shoulders slumped, and he was sure that his relief was visible. “Jim. Come in, please.”

 

He did, the door swished shut behind him. He took in the skin tight black thermal Spock was meditating in. “... Jeez how much weight have you lost in these last five months?”

 

Spock blinked. “I… I skipped meals to spend time in the labs to help the alternate crewmen.” He admitted.

 

Jim’s nostrils flared “that wasn’t a smart or logical decision Mr. Spock. You have to take better care of yourself.”

 

Spock blinked “Captain, I assure you I am fine-”

 

“You say that.” Jim said “But do you mean it? Christ Spock were you really blaming yourself for selek?”

 

“I should have done more-”

 

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Jim said firmly “Because if you had you would have died and I couldn’t deal with that.”

 

Spock blinked again, at a loss.

 

Jim sighed “Dammit spock- I care about you. I’ve spent 5 months trying to figure out why you stopped our chess games, why you didn’t come and spend time with me anymore- not even for paperwork- I was fucking terrified I had done something wrong and I had lost you-”

 

Jim cut himself off, looking away.

 

“... Jim.” Spock said softly

 

“And the knowledge that you put your health and your career and reputation on the line for another version of _me-_  Dammit Spock _I’m_ your captain.” His nostrils flared again “Not him.”

 

Spock felt a warm sort of rush and he fought a blush again. “I… I am aware of that. I was not endangering the ship-”

 

“Just yourself”

 

“I… I suppose-”

 

“You suppose huh?” Jim was walking closer now. “Tell me spock, did you know about Selek’s relationship with his Captain?”

 

“They both mentioned it to me. The doctor implied it.” Spock said, breathing in and relishing Jim’s scent. This was the closest he’d been in months.

 

“Mm. I knew from the mind meld.” He admitted. “Have I ever told you the things I saw in that meld?”

 

Spock shook his head, and Jim grinned. Spock’s heart fluttered at that, but there was a tint to it. Something… strange. “I saw Selek’s emotions about his crew. He thought of them as family. He was _happy_ with them.” Jim was very close now, Spock’s sight was lost in those blue eyes. “And all I’ve wanted since was to make a place where you could feel that. Because I care about you. Because I _love_ you, Spock.”

 

Spock’s mind was going a million miles a minute, because this was everything he’d wanted for two years and here it was on a silver platter. “J-Ji-”

 

“And I saw his emotions for his Kirk.” Jim breathed “I saw his love- and I want that.” He leaned forward slightly “I want you- want you so bad I think I may burst. I stopped sleeping around for you, did you notice? I did that for you, because I wanted to be all fresh and clean for you baby.” Jim’s nose nuzzled into his, and Spock’s eyes fluttered shut. He was frozen. “God I’m so in love with you Spock. I want you by my side forever. Thats where you belong, with me. Not chasing after some ghost of me. God I hate that you felt you couldn’t tell me about that.”

 

“Jim-” Spock barely managed a breath

 

“You’re _mine._ ” Jim hissed “My Vulcan. He has his own. His own Spock to to have, to hold, to kiss, to make love to-” Suddenly Jim grabbed him by the hips and brought them closer. Something warm and throbbing pressed into Spock’s thigh, and he felt himself coming unsheathed in his pants.

 

“Mm… I can feel it. You're coming out, just for me. I’m so flattered.” Jim was grinning, Spock could picture it. “I know just what you like. I know how to love you, how to make you come really fast and how to draw it out, how to make you beg for it.”

 

Spock shuddered, and Jim laughed.

 

“Open your eyes Spock.”

 

Spock breathed, suddenly feeling like there wasn’t enough oxygen. And then he opened his eyes.

 

Jim was beautiful. Flushed, eyes warm and full of so much emotion.

 

“... Jim.” Spock managed “You are beautiful.”

 

Jim grinned “You gorgeous too baby. Here’s how this is gonna work. I’m gonna make fuck you until you come so hard you scream so loud they can hear us on andoria, so the whole god damn universe knows you’re mine. Then, I’m gonna replicate you dinner and we’ll play chess and then you’re gonna fuck _me_ -”

 

Spock gasped as he was hit with mental images- _Spock laid out beneath Jim, Jim looking up at Spock as Spock fucked him, Spock on his knees sucking his captain off, them making love everywhere- on the bridge, in the mess, in the observation deck, sickbay, rec rooms, bathroom, on the sands of new vulcan and in Iowa right in the room where Jim had grown up, Jim and Spock exploring one another, their bodies, their passions-_

 

Jim was grinning at him “You getting all that? And then after You’ve fucked me until I can’t think we’ll do all the forms and stuff that make it official, and then we’re gonna make love. Not fuck- make love. And while we’re doing that you are gonna come into my head and you're gonna bond us because after tonight I am _never_ letting you push me away again. You’re gonna be mine and I’ll be yours. Always and never touching and touched, parted from me and never parted, right? That sound good to you baby?”

 

Spock swallowed, barely able to think from the love lust and _joy_ welling up in his gut.

 

“Good.” Jim muttered.

 

And then, he would never know who moved first but Jim’s mouth finally finally finally _finally_ connected with his.

 

_Oh god if the kissing is this good everything else can be terrible just kiss me like this for the rest of my life._

 

He wasn’t sure who thought it, but it ended up being pointless, because everything else was perfect.

 

* * *

 

Spock woke early the next morning, half convinced it was all a dream.

 

Cautiously, he shifted. His hip bumped into a warm one, and he turned his head.

 

Jim was staring down at him, grinning like a maniac. “I can hear you.” He said “It wasn’t a dream sweetheart. I’m really yours.”

 

And sure enough, Spock could feel the warm pulse of his captain in his head. Rolling on to his side to press his nose into Jim’s sternum and take his hand, he nodded silently.

 

“You okay?” Jim asked, a sense of _worry/worry/care/love/iloveyou/doesheregretit/insecurity/hessobeautiful/mine/his/ours/_ came across the bond. Spock nodded against him, sending him a wave of _love/love/love/love/yoursalwaysyours/neverandalways/yours/mine/mate/content/love/joy/love_

 

“I am happy Jim.” he whispered, because it was the truth.

 

Jim beamed and kissed his forehead.

 

Everything would be okay, safe and in this place. He could feel it. His adventure was just beginning.

 

* * *

 

_“_ _I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,_

_And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by;_

_And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,_

_And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking._

 

_I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide_

_Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;_

_And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,_

_And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying._

 

_I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,_

_To the gull’s way and the whale’s way where the wind’s like a whetted knife;_

_And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,_

_And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.”_

_\- “Sea Fever”, John Masefeild_

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> the whole quote about a tall ship and a star to sail her by is one of my favorites, and now i have the poem, which is just awesome. (I dont own that. or star trek by the way)
> 
> Please come visit me on tumblr www.flamingbluepanda.tumblr.com
> 
> See ya!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [(Give Me a Tall Ship and) a Billion Stars to Sail Her By [podfic]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859279) by [Carpe_History](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carpe_History/pseuds/Carpe_History), [Geritashipper123](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geritashipper123/pseuds/Geritashipper123)




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